A Voice of Hope

Worship as an Act of Faith

I'll never forget the trouble, the utter lostness,
   the taste of ashes, the poison I've swallowed.
I remember it all—oh, how well I remember—
   the feeling of hitting the bottom.
But there's one other thing I remember,
   and remembering, I keep a grip on hope:

 God's loyal love couldn't have run out,
   his merciful love couldn't have dried up.
They're created new every morning.
   How great your faithfulness!
I'm sticking with God (I say it over and over).
   He's all I've got left.

 God proves to be good to the man who passionately waits,
   to the woman who diligently seeks.
It's a good thing to quietly hope,
   quietly hope for help from God.
It's a good thing when you're young
   to stick it out through the hard times. Lamentations 3:19-27

Last night I went to "Before The Throne" at my church. It was an extended time of worship preceded by a brief teaching. The focus this week was Worship as an Act of Faith. That is, worshiping God for what He is going to do, not just what He has done.

I don't do that so good. I'm great at worshiping Him for who He is and what He's done, but what He's yet to do....? Not so much. Mainly because, in all honesty, I don't really trust that He will do it. So I take the cowardly way out and wait till He does.

Last night, though, I made a decision. A choice. I choose to believe the promises He's given me. I choose to believe for the dreams and hopes and desires He's placed in my heart. Though it take my lifetime, I will worship Him for what He will do. Until He comes through for me or until He tells me to stop, I will worship Him for what He will do.

As we were singing and focusing on God, He gave me this image; put this image in my mind. It was of Him taking out my heart and replacing it with a fresh one -- a new, vibrant, strong bright red one. And then He breathed into me, not just over me or on me, but into me. Like CPR. New heart for new breath -- or new breath for new heart -- like new a wineskin for new wine.

I saw so clearly in that moment that, now, every breath I breathe is from Him. They all come from that one breath He breathed into and over me.

He held me tight in His arms for a while, like a mother holds her crying, hurting toddler. Like my mom always held me when I was crying and hurting. And as if to really drive His love-point home, the band then led us in singing "What a Friend We Have in Jesus," one of my mom's favorite hymns. I couldn't even sing; just stood there and wept. This time not out of missing my mom, though. This time I cried because I felt His love so profoundly - and my mom's love so clearly too. It was as if my mom was standing there holding me tight, caressing me the way she would and whispering that it's all going to be okay. Only I knew it wasn't my mom. It was God.

Then He looked me in the eyes and made it clear to me that I don't stop Him from doing anything He wants to do (I so often fear I've thwarted God's will or desires because of my own failings). He made it so very powerfully clear that I cannot stop Him, thwart Him, or keep His love or His will from invading my life and accomplishing His dreams for me (Romans 8 has been one of His constant words to me the last couple of weeks).

I believe God promises healing, recovery, wholeness. I also believe that God has a job where I can be of service and blessing to someone. But so often that belief gets buried under an avalanche of fear and doubt, worry and waffling. Perhaps the promises don't apply to me... perhaps there's some mark I've got to hit first and maybe I didn't jump high enough, believe hard enough, pray long enough, do enough. I waffle. I doubt. I fear that I'm not good enough.

But last night... I was never more convinced of His promises and His desires, to the core of my being, than I was last night, standing in the Barn before God's Throne, singing and crying out to Him.

One of the worship singers talked about fear; about how God may have us out on a ledge, feet half off hanging out into the air, and the fear we feel when we stare out into that nothingness. Lord do I know that fear! Absolute terror is what I've felt for months now --nearly half a year!

But this worship singer-leader said to us, "whatever it is He's asking you to do, where ever it is He's got you dangling your feet and staring out into the depths. Just step into it. Step off the ledge and into His will, into His arms, into the dark. Just step off."

So this is me stepping off the ledge, into the unknown, into His arms. Believing God for healing and wholeness. Believing God for recovery and redemption of all my crap. Believing God for a job, a place of service with my name on it. And worshiping Him for what He is going to do.

Because Sometimes We Forget To Remember

I was introduced to this amazing song tonight. And I wept. Deeply.

Sometimes we forget to acknowledge the unbelievable, powerful, passionate, unfailing love of God. In all our crazy worshiping and joy; in all our crying out in our pain and need; in all our silent contemplation, and all our noisy jubilation. I think sometimes we just plain forget how He loves us. We get lost in our own struggles, in the daily grind of every day life, in our plans and schemes for tomorrow, in all our hurts, needs, wants, passions.... we just... forget.

I hope this reminds you today how much He loves you. Let yourself be swept away by it today; let Him drench you with His love. Oh, how He loves us!

[note rss readers: embedded video]

So Heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss,
And the heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about, the way…

He loves us!
Oh how He loves us!
Oh how He loves us!
Oh how He loves!

Words and Music by John Mark McMillan

Thank you, Los. What an awesome song to introduce me to.

Good Morning, Jesus

To Him who reigns upon the throne and to the Lamb
To the true and faithful King, who created everything
To the glorious Son of God and Son of Man
Who gave His body and His blood
To take away the sins of all the world

All creation bows
Before Him now

All glory and honor and praise
Jesus, You are worthy
Jesus, You are worthy
All power and wisdom and strength
Jesus, all the glory belongs to Your name
So we worship You forever! Amen.

All Glory written by David Regier, performed by the Women of Faith Worship Team on their album "Amazing Freedom"

I Have Been Shown Love

One of the things I love about Grey's Anatomy (the television show, not the big book) is the music. I have been introduced to some amazing musicians and songs through the show's constant background soundtrack. The final song of tonight's episode so grab my heart that I just had to find it and buy/download it. It took about two hours to ferret out (ABC apparently doesn't update it's music guide page until after the episode has aired in every time zone, much to my frustration), but I found it. It's called "I Will Show You Love" by Kendall Payne. And it is good. So good. It is my story, -- all our stories -- from God's perspective. Man, I love Him! He is sooo good.

I've posted the lyrics to "I Will Show You Love" here for your spirit's edification. Read. This is God's love letter to you.

I will show you love like you’ve never loved before
I will go the distance and back for more if you just say the word

You will come alive again and call the trying times your friend
The pain that you have suffered through will never get the best of you
You will hope in something real that won’t depend on how you feel
When you call my name then I will answer, answer

I am on your side though the wind and waves beat against your faith
You were on my mind when the world was made
Trust in me my child, Trust in me my child

Walk out on the water where you have no control
So scared to death of failure you sacrifice your soul, please let that go

You have climbed an uphill road, You have worn a heavy load
You have cried through endless nights and nearly given up the fight
Watched your dreams like falling stars the heartaches made you who you are
Now looking back you see that I have always been there

I am on your side though the wind and waves beat against your faith
You were on my mind when the world was made
Trust in me my child, Trust in me my child

Where you gonna hide? Where you gonna hide from Me?
Where you gonna go? Where you gonna go that I can’t see?

I have heard you cry and it breaks my heart for I love you so
I would never lie, this is not the end there is still a hope


I am on your side though the wind and waves beat against your faith
You were on my mind when the world was made
Trust in me my child, Trust in me my child

Words and Music by Kendall Payne
Song available on iTunes

UPDATE: If this song really touched your heart, please visit Kendall Payne's website and let her know by signing her guestbook. Also, all the lyrics to all her songs from this album (Paper Skin) can be found on her website as well.

To Trust Him More

'Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus,
Just to take him at his word;
Just to rest upon his promise,
Just to know, "Thus saith the Lord."

Jesus, Jesus, how I trust him!
How I've proved him o'er and o'er!
Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus!
O for grace to trust him more!

O how sweet to trust in Jesus,
just to trust his cleansing blood;
and in simple faith to plunge me
neath the healing, cleansing flood!

Yes, 'tis sweet to trust in Jesus,
just from sin and self to cease;
just from Jesus simply taking
life and rest, and joy and peace.

I'm so glad I learned to trust thee,
precious Jesus, Savior, friend;
and I know that thou art with me,
wilt be with me to the end.

Jesus, Jesus, how I trust him!
How I've proved him o'er and o'er!
Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus!
O for grace to trust him more!

Words and Music by Louisa Stead

This song has been in my head for days, so I thought I'd put the lyrics up so it could be in yours too (aren't I sweet!).

This was one of my mom's favorite hymns. I remember many nights as a child hearing her play it on the piano after I'd gone to bed. She used to say her piano "practice" time -- after us kids were in bed and her chores were done for the evening -- was her worship time; her private time to worship God with her fingers, with her mind (as she sung the lyrics in her head, or out loud) and with her spirit. I fell asleep many nights to mom's piano worship, as she played her way through hymns and Bill Gaither songs. I can't think of a better way to slip into restful sleep. Perhaps that's why as an adult I so often use music to help me sleep; especially when I'm stressed.

Tonight I'm listening to Casting Crowns sing this old hymn. I'm remembering my mom. But I'm also thinking about my own life. And how God has proved Himself faithful over and over; proved Himself completely, utterly and unconditionally trustworthy. Yet I still struggle to trust Him with pieces of my heart and life. I pray for grace to trust Him more.

Comes The Weary One

He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
I will say of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.

Surely he will save you from the fowler's snare
and from the deadly pestilence

He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart. -- Psalm 91:1-4

Today was lousy. I was in a foul mood from dawn till dusk and only when I was able to be a couch potato for a few hours did I begin to feel a little more human and less trollish.

Anger, frustration and hurt from yesterday bled into today; perhaps because I went to sleep with the things I was angry about still on my mind. God has a habit of talking to me after the lights go out, probably because I don't always give Him a chance to be heard any other time. Anyway, last night was no different and I fell asleep while we were still hashing out the frustrations of the day. I woke up this morning tired and cranky and in no mood for--- well, anything, really. Except maybe another five hours of sleep.

There are not enough hours in the day to get everything done that needs to get done. Homework, work, personal issues that need attention, house cleaning for my out-of-town guests coming next week, attending to friends, church Community Group, women's accountability group, homework-homework-and more homework....rinse and repeat. I think last night's events threw me over the edge of that H.A.L.T. dealie (hungry, angry, lonely, tired) and I just lost it today.

All day.

I was such a bitch to be around and I knew it. I just couldn't seem to do anything about it -- except stay hidden in my cube as much as possible to minimize the damage to others.

I'm so tired exhausted. My life feels frustratingly... frayed. And fraying. I need rest.

But how do you rest when all your "stuff" stands up and smacks you in the face at the very time you're trying to fall asleep?

Tonight I took the night off from everything and just spent some time with Jesus. I didn't do any big study. Nor did I read the books that will facilitate my healing and recovery. Rather I just sat here and listened to specific music that always draws me to Jesus' feet, read a bit from His Word and spent the evening staring into His eyes.

I came across Psalm 91 and saw what I think is the solution to my need: I will curl up in the shadow of the Almighty and find refuge under His wing. His Word declares I will find the rest I so desperately need there. So I'm gonna take Him at His Word.

Find rest, O my soul, in God alone;
my hope comes from him.

He alone is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will not be shaken. -- Psalm 62:5-6

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls." -- Jesus

Beauty for Ashes

Who believes what we've heard and seen? Who would have thought God's saving power would look like this? -- Isaiah 53, The message

This week I've been listening to Beth Moore's study, "Breaking Free" on my way to and from work. I just really need to revisit the study and remind myself of the truths within, so I've been listening to my cds of it. One morning Beth pointed out that before we can get to Isaiah 61 -- the theme for the study -- Isaiah 53 has to happen. 61 just isn't possible otherwise. Jesus has to go through the pain, the scorn, the torture and death -- and resurrection -- before we can have freedom, healing, and beauty in exchange for our chains, puss-filled wounds, and ashes. I've somewhat camped in Isaiah 53 the rest of this week. Listen to this:

The servant grew up before God—a scrawny seedling, a scrubby plant in a parched field. There was nothing attractive about him, nothing to cause us to take a second look. He was looked down on and passed over, a man who suffered, who knew pain firsthand. One look at him and people turned away. We looked down on him, thought he was scum.

Jesus was completely unattractive, even looked down upon by people. For some reason I'd forgotten about that. What an amazing thing this is. Jesus can truly identify with all of us who've felt... ugly, for lack of a better word; those of us who know we don't measure up to the high standard of beauty in our culture (or perhaps any culture) because He himself was considered unattractive, even ugly by society. He is truly a Redeemer for all us little guys!

But the fact is, it was our pains he carried— our disfigurements, all the things wrong with us. We thought he brought it on himself, that God was punishing him for his own failures. But it was our sins that did that to him, that ripped and tore and crushed him—our sins! He took the punishment, and that made us whole. Through his bruises we get healed.

I just want to wrap myself up in this and stay here the rest of my life. All the the things wrong with me, all of them, Jesus carried to the cross, on the the cross, and then  left them there. I know I've made this point before, recently even, but every time I come up against it these days I can't help but sit in stunned silent awe. How can this be?? Everything in my life, everything is covered and redeemable. Do you really get the significance of that?

Listen, there are secret sins we all carry -- bury; you have done this, I most certainly have; we all do this, or have done it at some point. We bury this one (or several) sin in the the deepest crevasse we can find in our heart and pretend it doesn't exist, no matter how many times it revisits us or we revisit it, because it is just too awful; we cannot believe God will forgive us for it. Haven't you ever wondered how Ted Haggard survived his double life, or Larry Craig either? They hid it from even themselves, down in that deep crevasse. Yet Jesus is Redeemer of even that. Even those dark, "horrible" secret sins we do not even dream of talking about nonetheless confessing, even those are covered by His blood. Forgiven. Gone. Over. Forever! When we truly grasp that reality, we start finding freedom; real honest to God freedom.

We're all like sheep who've wandered off and gotten lost. We've all done our own thing, gone our own way. And God has piled all our sins, everything we've done wrong, on him, on him.

Isn't this good! Isn't this amazing!

He was beaten, he was tortured, but he didn't say a word. Like a lamb taken to be slaughtered and like a sheep being sheared, he took it all in silence.

Little rabbit chasing here... This is odd to me now that I've heard lambs/sheep/goats being carried off to be slaughtered. They don't go quietly. They make a whole lotta noise (it often sounds like babies or children crying, if you want to know the truth; pitiful and disturbing, really) and a whole lotta fuss. You have to hold them by their legs and carry them across your shoulders. Otherwise they'll do their best to skitter off. ---- It's just an odd analogy to me now, to compare Jesus to a noisy lamb, bound and held, being carried off to its death. Especially since it says "he took it all in silence." Can anyone explain this part?

Justice miscarried, and he was led off— and did anyone really know what was happening? He died without a thought for his own welfare, beaten bloody for the sins of my people. They buried him with the wicked, threw him in a grave with a rich man, even though he'd never hurt a soul or said one word that wasn't true.

Still, it's what God had in mind all along, to crush him with pain. The plan was that he give himself as an offering for sin so that he'd see life come from it—life, life, and more life. And God's plan will deeply prosper through him.

Out of that terrible travail of soul, he'll see that it's worth it and be glad he did it. Through what he experienced, my righteous one, my servant, will make many "righteous ones," as he himself carries the burden of their sins. Therefore I'll reward him extravagantly— the best of everything, the highest honors— because he looked death in the face and didn't flinch, because he embraced the company of the lowest. He took on his own shoulders the sin of the many, he took up the cause of all the black sheep.  ---- Isaiah 53, The Message

He took up the cause of all the back sheep. That's me! I'm am so a black sheep. Oh, thank God I have such a champion!

The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion— to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor.

They will rebuild the ancient ruins and restore the places long devastated; they will renew the ruined cities that have been devastated for generations.  --- Isaiah 61:1-4

The ugly girl with nothing but ashes for a life gets the ultimate beauty pageant crown. Now that's a real Hollywood ending.

Then [Jesus] rolled up the scroll, gave it back to the attendant and sat down. The eyes of everyone in the synagogue were fastened on him, and he began by saying to them, "Today this scripture is fulfilled in your hearing." -- Luke 4:20-21

Thanks be to God for His indescribable gift! -- 2 Cor 9:15

In My Head, In My Heart... My Everything

I don't know why but this song has been playing in my head for the last couple of days. I first heard it about two or three weeks ago during Sunday worship. I didn't really like it that much; it felt too repetitive. But it's really grown on me. And the last two days I've awakened with it playing in my head. And despite what I listen to and sing on the way to work, it's continued to play over and over in my mind all through the day. Now it's on my heart. I really like the lyrics.

I once heard that songs play in our head for a reason; perhaps God is speaking to us through the song, or our spirit it speaking to God. Maybe the Holy Spirit is even mediating a conversation happening on a purely spiritual level that we cannot hear, and the only way for us to know about it is through the songs that come unbidden into our minds and invade our every waking moment.

The video below is a little corny, so maybe just listen to the song and let it invade your heart and mind.

God in my living
There in my breathing
God in my waking
God in my sleeping

God in my resting
There in my working
God in my thinking
God in my speaking

Chorus:
Be my everything
Be my everything
Be my everything
Be my everything

Verse 2:
God in my hoping
There in my dreaming
God in my watching
God in my waiting

God in my laughing
There in my weeping
God in my hurting
God in my healing

Chorus:
Be my everything
Be my everything
Be my everything
Be my everything

Weekend Worship - Let It Rain

The drought here in Middle Tennessee has brought back to my mind a song I sang/prayed continuously while I was overseas serving NAME. Michael W. Smith sings Let It Rain on his first "Worship" album. The lyrics are simple and repeat hundreds of times. If you aren't truly praying the song, it can be boring. But for some reason, for me, every time I hear it, I'm compelled to lift up to God the peoples and places most dear to my heart, asking Him to drench them in that summer storm downpour kind of rain. I go through naming each country, each group, each person, picturing them dancing in drenching rain and crying out to God to make it real, to rain over them and drench them completely, enveloping them totally in His consuming love.

I'm working on post regarding this specific prayer that I've prayed to this song, and how it impacted my own life. But today I want to follow Micah Fries' idea of just starting off the weekend in worship. So if you've got a few moments, pull out the cd (if you've got it) and spend a little time soaking in the drenching rain of God. He is indeed so good.

Let it rain, let it rain
Open the floodgates of heaven

Let it rain, let it rain!
Open the floodgates of heaven!

The LORD reigns, let the earth be glad;
let the distant shores rejoice.

Clouds and thick darkness surround him;
righteousness and justice are the foundation of his throne

Fire goes before him
and consumes his foes on every side

His lightning lights up the world;
the earth sees and trembles.

The mountains melt like wax before the LORD,
before the Lord of all the earth

The heavens proclaim his righteousness,
and all the peoples see his glory! -- Psalm 97:1-6

Looking For Someone Not Stupid

I love The Message!  This was my morning meditation...

Bilious and bloated, they gas, "God is gone."
   Their words are poison gas,
      fouling the air; they poison
   Rivers and skies;
      thistles are their cash crop.

God sticks his head out of heaven.
      He looks around.
   He's looking for someone not stupid—
      one man, even, God-expectant,
      just one God-ready woman.

He comes up empty. A string
      of zeros. Useless, unshepherded
   Sheep, taking turns pretending
      to be Shepherd.
   The ninety and nine
      follow their fellow.

Don't they know anything,
      all these impostors?
   Don't they know
      they can't get away with this—
   Treating people like a fast-food meal
      over which they're too busy to pray?

Night is coming for them, and nightmares,
      for God takes the side of victims.
   Do you think you can mess
      with the dreams of the poor?
   You can't, for God
      makes their dreams come true.

Is there anyone around to save Israel?
      Yes. God is around; God turns life around.
   Turned-around Jacob skips rope,
      turned-around Israel sings laughter.  --Psalm 14, The Message

May I always be a God-ready Woman.