A Voice of Hope

The Craziest Thing Just Happened

"[...] A strength begins with a talent, so let's start there. A talent is a naturally recurring pattern of thought, feeling, or behavior that can be productively applied. [...] A strength is the ability to provide consistent, near-perfect performance in a given activity. [...] Talents are like "diamonds in the rough," whereas strengths are like diamonds that show brilliance after they have been carefully cut and polished. Your greatest areas of talent, your most likely sources of potential strengths, are identified by the Clifton StrengthsFinder." -- StrengthsQuest: Discover and Develop Your Strengths in Academics, Career, and Beyond (2002)

I'm getting ready to go back to school, to get a college degree. I'm currently researching different schools and programs that are for working adults.

As I was looking through the myriad of papers I have on schools, I remembered a conversation with my friend Jamie about StrengthsQuest (a version of StrengthsFinders that is geared toward students). I checked out the website and decided to sign up, even though I've taken StrengthsFinders three times now, because I wanted the specific focus on students and learning StrengthsQuest offers. I figured that, as with the last three times, my strengths would end up being the same, with perhaps a small variation of one dropping off and another coming on.

Something completely unexpected happened. Only two of my strengths stayed the same. And those two changed places. Three new ones, strengths I'd never considered, appeared in the 2nd, 3rd and 4th places.

I like these new strengths. A lot. The feel like the fit me better than the others that dropped off (Command/Learner -- depending on which time I took it -- Restorative and Intellection).

Could it really be true? Do your strengths -- "the natural talents through which you can fulfill your personal potential" as Gallup defines it -- change through the years? I've been doing a lot of "work on myself", as the cliche goes. I've learned much about myself, about my own dysfunction and that of my family's. Things that affected how I see myself and how I feel about life and the world around me. Most of all I've learned about how God sees me and how He sees my past, as well as my present and my future.

Not everything about me has changed. But some things deep in my core are in the process of being transformed by God -- some even eliminated -- into something completely new. Is it possible this whole process, this journey I've been on for the last few years, has so changed me that even my strengths, my natural talents have shifted, that the real talents are finally emerging from behind the shadows of my complex defense mechanisms I set up long ago?

I don't know. I have no answers. But I sure like the new results.

Here are my signature themes as of today:

	Connectedness
Things happen for a reason. You are sure of it. You are sure of it because in your soul you know that we are all connected. Yes, we are individuals, responsible for our own judgments and in possession of our own free will, but nonetheless we are part of something larger. Some may call it the collective unconscious. Others may label it spirit or life force. But whatever your word of choice, you gain confidence from knowing that we are not isolated from one another or from the earth and the life on it. This feeling of Connectedness implies certain responsibilities. If we are all part of a larger picture, then we must not harm others because we will be harming ourselves. We must not exploit because we will be exploiting ourselves. Your awareness of these responsibilities creates your value system. You are considerate, caring, and accepting. Certain of the unity of humankind, you are a bridge builder for people of different cultures. Sensitive to the invisible hand, you can give others comfort that there is a purpose beyond our humdrum lives. The exact articles of your faith will depend on your upbringing and your culture, but your faith is strong. It sustains you and your close friends in the face of life's mysteries.
	Empathy
You can sense the emotions of those around you. You can feel what they are feeling as though their feelings are your own. Intuitively, you are able to see the world through their eyes and share their perspective. You do not necessarily agree with each person's perspective. You do not necessarily feel pity for each person's predicament-this would be sympathy, not Empathy. You do not necessarily condone the choices each person makes, but you do understand. This instinctive ability to understand is powerful. You hear the unvoiced questions. You anticipate the need. Where others grapple for words, you seem to find the right words and the right tone. You help people find the right phrases to express their feelings-to themselves as well as to others. You help them give voice to their emotional life. For all these reasons other people are drawn to you.
	Ideation
You are fascinated by ideas. What is an idea? An idea is a concept, the best explanation of the most events. You are delighted when you discover beneath the complex surface an elegantly simple concept to explain why things are the way they are. An idea is a connection. Yours is the kind of mind that is always looking for connections, and so you are intrigued when seemingly disparate phenomena can be linked by an obscure connection. An idea is a new perspective on familiar challenges. You revel in taking the world we all know and turning it around so we can view it from a strange but strangely enlightening angle. You love all these ideas because they are profound, because they are novel, because they are clarifying, because they are contrary, because they are bizarre. For all these reasons you derive a jolt of energy whenever a new idea occurs to you. Others may label you creative or original or conceptual or even smart. Perhaps you are all of these. Who can be sure? What you are sure of is that ideas are thrilling. And on most days this is enough.
	Strategic
The Strategic theme enables you to sort through the clutter and find the best route. It is not a skill that can be taught. It is a distinct way of thinking, a special perspective on the world at large. This perspective allows you to see patterns where others simply see complexity. Mindful of these patterns, you play out alternative scenarios, always asking, "What if this happened? Okay, well what if this happened?" This recurring question helps you see around the next corner. There you can evaluate accurately the potential obstacles. Guided by where you see each path leading, you start to make selections. You discard the paths that lead nowhere. You discard the paths that lead straight into resistance. You discard the paths that lead into a fog of confusion. You cull and make selections until you arrive at the chosen path-your strategy. Armed with your strategy, you strike forward. This is your Strategic theme at work: "What if?" Select. Strike.
	Input
You are inquisitive. You collect things. You might collect information-words, facts, books, and quotations-or you might collect tangible objects such as butterflies, baseball cards, porcelain dolls, or sepia photographs. Whatever you collect, you collect it because it interests you. And yours is the kind of mind that finds so many things interesting. The world is exciting precisely because of its infinite variety and complexity. If you read a great deal, it is not necessarily to refine your theories but, rather, to add more information to your archives. If you like to travel, it is because each new location offers novel artifacts and facts. These can be acquired and then stored away. Why are they worth storing? At the time of storing it is often hard to say exactly when or why you might need them, but who knows when they might become useful? With all those possible uses in mind, you really don't feel comfortable throwing anything away. So you keep acquiring and compiling and filing stuff away. It's interesting. It keeps your mind fresh. And perhaps one day some of it will prove valuable.

            Copyright © 2000 The Gallup Organization. All rights reserved.
            StrengthsFinder is a trademark of The Gallup Organization.

Restorative-Command

StrenthsFinder or StrengthsQuest (same thing, different approaches) paraphrase this strength this way:

People strong in the Restorative theme are adept at dealing with problems. They are good at figuring out what is wrong and resolving it.

This is my number one strength. When you take the StrengthsFinders assessment they give you your top five. Mine, in order, are:

Restorative
Input
Connectedness
Intellection
Command

Command is paraphrased as:

People strong in the Command theme have presence. They can take control of a situation and make decisions.

These two strengths have gotten me into more hot water and conflict that I can count in my lifetime. The first time I was introduced to StrengthsFinders I cried so hard (with Kim McManus, by the way, who also shares my top strength) because this is what I already knew about myself and hated; I saw it as bad.

That's what most everyone had told me all my life. "Why can't you see the positive?" "Why do you always have to point out problems that don't even exist (yet)?" "Why do you always focus on what could go wrong?" "You're so negative." "You're so bossy." "Why do you always have to be in control?" "Why can't you just keep your opinions to yourself?"

Throughout my life I've bounced between fighting my strengths, holding them in and squashing them down out of sight, and allowing myself to express them. When I expressed them, I almost always got negative feedback. So I developed the conviction that I was always wrong, and I should stifle my voice, especially when I wanted to point out problems or take over and make a decision when no one else could or would.

That a very over-simplified explanation of some of my brokenness, but it gives you the general idea.

At any rate, after I accepted that Restorative and Command really are strengths given to me by God, to be used for His glory, I began to work toward using them/expressing them in a grace-based way, working toward helping people understand I mean no harm, no offense or anything personal and praying a lot before I spoke up about what I see.

Of course, I can't always be so deliberate. Sometimes someone says something and stuff pops out of my mouth before I can help myself --- Kinda like Weeza in "Steele Magnolias", when she says, "I'm polite! Damn it. Just this mornin' I saw Drum Eaton at the Piggly-Wiggly and I smiled at the son-of-a-bitch before I could help myself!!" (Sorry. I loooove that movie! and just needed to throw in a quote from it.)

Sunday is probably a good example of this. I spoke up when Josh asked if there were any questions. I hadn't intended to. I was going to wait and see if anyone else had questions. But, sure enough, bloop!!-out came the first question from the very mouth I was trying to keep shut (mine, in case you're wondering).

Sometimes I not sure if its Restorative or Command that's at work. When I'm mixing, it's easy to know. That's always Restorative. I think it's what makes me a good mixer. Even when I can't identify exactly what's up, I know something's off. Sometimes I just sense some intrument is out of tune -- and they will be just a hair; just enough to throw the whole piece off. Sometimes its a sense that the singers aren't comfortable or can't hear themselves... sometimes its just matter of balance, some instrument is too loud or overpowering or competing with another instrument.

In their full definition, StrenthsFinders says those who have Restorative "are energized by" breakdowns and problems because we "enjoy the challenge of analyzing the symptoms, identifying what is wrong, and finding the solution." I very much enjoy that whole process. It really does energize me. I truly "enjoy bringing things back to life. It is a wonderful feeling to identify the undermining factor(s), eradicate them, and restore something to its true glory. Intuitively, you know that without your intervention, this thing-this machine, this technique, this person, this company-might have ceased to function. You fixed it, resuscitated it, rekindled its vitality." I don't do it to get the glory or credit for "making it better" or "saving" it. I do it for the sheer thrill of seeing something/someone be all it can, and was meant to, be. That is a rush like no other! Its why I'm so hooked on mixing.

We had such incredible musicians at Beverly Hills service. I loved them all! Wonderful people, and amazing talent. At first I was really intimidated to mix for them. But they embraced me completely and made me feel welcomed and... well, competent. Oh, man! To know that I was helping them to sound as good as possible so God could be seen clearly in their talent, in their hearts, in the words of the songs, the unparalleled beauty of music and the worship offered by the musicians who played it! What a rush! I feel like a musician myself when I'm at the board; part of the band, there to reinforce and amplify the beauty they're creating.

Whew! I get excited just thinking about it!

So it's easy to see how Restorative is in play in that context. But when it comes to other aspects of my life, sometimes I wonder which one it is. See, Command "leads you to take charge. Unlike some people, you feel no discomfort with imposing your views on others. On the contrary, once your opinion is formed, you need to share it with others."

Whew, can I get a big A-men from the peanut gallery!! Yikes is this so true of me. So much so that there have been times I've had to bite my lip, bite my tongue, cover my mouth, even run from the room to keep silent about something. Now, this isn't true of every view/opinion I have --- well, maybe a little... why else would I have a blog where I could spew forth my pontifications whenever the mood strikes and no one will talk back?? (Yeah, that's just a badly constructed sentence, but you get the point.)

So---the email I sent to our transition team.... I sent it because I felt compelled to do so. I needed to, with a need of an addict. I couldn't contain it and I felt I had to speak or die. (note: drama queen in full-throttle now)

Seriously. I felt I would die if I kept it inside me. Is that a mark of a strength? That you must do it, or die in the trying, or you will die from the effort exerted to stifle it?

I don't know. I just know I'm compelled to speak sometimes. By an unseen force larger than me, working behind the scenes. And this time the conviction and need wasn't just in the telling. It was in the complete and overwhelming conviction that we, both our communities, were in great peril. (I know. I'm still a drama queen at the core. Work with me here!)

So which strength was in action this week? Or was it---(warning: mild ADD butting in)--yeah, I think it really was a matter of them working hand-in-hand. Two of them together, conspiring to drive me nuts. Who knew those little buggers worked together without ever notifying me (or asking my permission, dang it!).

I spent hours on that email, by the way. Writing and re-writing and re-reading and re-writing again. I even slept on it; left it till morning so I could read it again and make sure, with a good night's rest behind me, that I was really saying what I meant, and in a way that was constructive and grace-based. I was really hoping that morning would bring sanity and reason to my spirit and I would decide not to send it. But that was not to be. As I prayed over the email yesterday morning, I never once heard God tell me to send it. All I had was a growing, overpowering conviction that I had to say these things, no matter what the outcome was.

The rest of the description of Command goes on to say, "Whereas others may avoid facing up to life's unpleasantness, you feel compelled to present the facts or the truth, no matter how unpleasant it may be. You need things to be clear between people and challenge them to be clear-eyed and honest. You push them to take risks. You may even intimidate them. And while some may resent this, labeling you opinionated, they often willingly hand you the reins. People are drawn toward those who take a stance and ask them to move in a certain direction. Therefore, people will be drawn to you. You have presence. You have Command."

Wow.
Seriously. Wow.
No kidding. That's exactly what was happening this week. Nearly my words exactly - 'guys, let's just be honest and clear about what's going on here. Call it for what it is. If this is what you want to create, fine. Just be honest about it and walk into it clear-eyed about the know-able variables. We'll have enough on our hands to deal with as the unknowns slap us in the face. Let's not get our butt kicked by the stuff that's currently staring us in the face."

Reading one of thos last little lines of description this morning -- "You have presence." -- sort of explained something a new friend said to me Sunday night. She said some people's emotions are very evident without them ever saying a word, that I'm one of those people. And that my emotions were practically screaming that night. Whoa. Now, I've recognized throughout my life that there are times when I can't hide my emotions, particularly strong ones. However, I've always thought I hid most of them very well. And that night I thought I was doing a particularly good job of covering my fear and panic with a calm veneer of "concern".

apparently not. [insert buzzer sound here] Thank you for playing. Next contestant, please.

It never occurred to me until this morning that maybe, just maybe, most of those times that people told me I intimidated them, or that I was too outspoken and opinionated, that they resent my controlling nature -- or, in the more Christian vernacular, "I'm concerned that your controlling/bossy/opinionated nature and your overpowering personality are signs that you are not becoming the quiet, submissive woman God has called us to be. I think you need to submit those things to God, ask for His forgiveness, and work on developing a more Proverbs 31 character (HEL-LOOOO!!! Have you ever READ Proverbs 31??? That is one, tough chick! That ain't no quiet, submissive sissy-girl... Sorry... [getting off soapbox now]) --- maybe just maybe most of the times people said that to me, it really wasn't that my character needed re-shaping, it was that my strengths were showing.

Ponder that with me a moment. 'Cause it feels kinda good.

Now, I realize that my character does need reshaping. I've got a lot of sharp edges on me even after all the work God's done so far. But, honestly, more and more God has been opening my eyes up to how I've allowed far too many people to have too much of a say in my life and what I think about myself. HE created me. He's the only One I need to listen to about myself; His opinion of me is the only opinion that matters. And He says my Command, my Restorative-Command, is good. I don't always use what He's given me for good. And I don't always use it in a way that makes Him happy or reflects well on Him and His character. Sometimes I use my strengths for my own selfish purposes and sometimes I allow the evil one to trick me into using them to cause hurt and harm. But none of that makes who I am or the strengths and talents God put in me bad or evil.

For some odd reason I suddenly want to stand up and sing out/shout out the Doxology,
To God be the glory,
great things he hath done!
So loved he the world that
he gave us His son.
Who yielded his life as
atonement for sin.
And opened the Lifegates
that all may go in.

Isn't that weird that that just came to my mind. I don't know where it came from -- it just bounded out of my soul like a little fox in pursuit of a rabbit. Wild.

To Learn more about Strenths, pick up the book "Now Discover Your Strengths by Donald O. Clifton.

I'm So Smart Nobody Knows What I'm Saying

WARNING: The title of this post has nothing to do with it's content.

I don't really have anything to say tonight.

Well, that's not entirely true. I always have something to say, but tonight I'm letting my thoughts percolate. Those of you who understand StrengthsFinder-speak will understand when I say, one of my Strengths is Intellection. That doesn't mean I'm an intellectual. It means, in the words of Gallup themselves:

You like to think. You like mental activity. You like exercising the "muscles" of your brain, stretching them in multiple directions. This need for mental activity may be focused.... On the other hand, [it] may very well lack focus. You are the kind of person who enjoys your time alone because it is your time for musing and reflection. You are introspective. In a sense you are your own best companion, as you pose yourself questions and try out answers on yourself to see how they sound. This introspection may lead you to a slight sense of discontent as you compare what you are actually doing with all the thoughts and ideas that your mind conceives. Or this introspection may tend toward more pragmatic matters such as the events of the day or a conversation that you plan to have later. Wherever it leads you, this mental hum is one of the constants of your life.

Finding out that there was actually a name and a reason for all my mental activity, for that constant hum, was such a freeing and hope-filled thing! Finally (!!) I had proof I wasn't just a "daydreamer," as many a childhood teacher had labeled me, or a space-cadet freak, as some of my schoolmates might have said. There's a cool-sounding, legitimate reason for my mental exercise. Even better, it's a Strength. Awesome. Rock on!

Gallup's paragraph on this Strength really describes me quite well. Add in my other top four strengths -- Restorative, Input, Connectedness and Command -- and you've a pretty good picture of me. Granted, this doesn't take into account my personality, my spiritual giftings -- and the effect of my "family of origin issues", as the psycho-babble goes -- but I've found that they all seem to fold together and compliment each other, like all the pieces of a mosaic.

Isn't it amazing how God has put us together! Even if you and I share all five of our top Strengths, we still will be distinctly different individuals. God's imprint on us, through the combinations of our personalities, Strengths, spiritual gifts and life experiences, is as unique as a fingerprint. His fingerprint on us.

How we use this unique combination to serve others -- or to serve ourselves, whichever way we choose to go -- is our imprint on the world. That is such an incredible thought, isn't it! We leave an indelible, and unique imprint on this world. For better or for worse. We leave a mark. I wonder what mine looks like... without the fun-house mirrors of my own insecurity-filled self-perception...?

Which brings me back to the original point of this post... yes, there really is a reason for this post.... sheesh, you'd think you'd never read someone's ramblings before... Barney and I uncovered a whoooole lotta stuff in my counseling time today. It was a powerful time. We were at it for 2 full hours. He is very gracious with his time, I tell ya! We covered... er, uncovered -- a lot of ground today.... and I need time for all my thoughts to perk and simmer. They'll be ready to spew forth from my brain in a few days... probably... maybe... check in later and I'll let you know...

Wow, 652 words in this post. That's a whole lotta words to say a whole lotta nothin'.... Maybe I should consider a career in politics. Do you think it's too late to throw my hat in the ring for the presidential election?