I realized that tonight as I drove home from a meeting. I have been telling myself I'm drowning because I'm in over my head, I'm in deep and can't stay afloat. But the truth is I'm in the kiddie-pool; the shallow end of living.
I'm allowing fear and depression convince me the water is just too high, that I cannot go deep because I cannot handle it. I've let them convince me I am in the deep end and I'm drowning, so I just can't risk going any deeper.
But really, I'm just laying on the floor. If I will even just sit up I'll be okay.
"You can't worship two gods at once. Loving one god, you'll end up hating the other. Adoration of one feeds contempt for the other. You can't worship God and Money both.
"If you decide for God, living a life of God-worship, it follows that you don't fuss about what's on the table at mealtimes or whether the clothes in your closet are in fashion. There is far more to your life than the food you put in your stomach, more to your outer appearance than the clothes you hang on your body. Look at the birds, free and unfettered, not tied down to a job description, careless in the care of God. And you count far more to him than birds.
"Has anyone by fussing in front of the mirror ever gotten taller by so much as an inch? All this time and money wasted on fashion—do you think it makes that much difference? Instead of looking at the fashions, walk out into the fields and look at the wildflowers. They never primp or shop, but have you ever seen color and design quite like it? The ten best-dressed men and women in the country look shabby alongside them.
"If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers—most of which are never even seen—don't you think he'll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I'm trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God's giving. People who don't know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don't worry about missing out. You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.
"Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes" Matt 6:22-34 The Message
It's quite a step to believe that God really is interested in me. "He's God," I can say. "He has to love me." But... does He like me? We've been playing tag for years; He keeps showing me that he can be trusted, that He does care. Some days I actually do believe it.
In its most basic form, the foundation of having a relationship with Jesus is simply not quitting. You may feel as if you're drowning. That goes with what you're trying to do. God, I've learned, allows us to set the pace. Maybe the feeling of drowning comes from you trying to force your pace; you don't make flowers grow faster by pulling on them. You grow into depth, and into light.
Posted by: Larry | February 03, 2009 at 01:14 PM
Hey, I know there's a time and season for everything... if blogging is not good for you right now, that's cool. But I'd love to hear what's up with you. Is there somewhere else online where you are hanging out, virtually, like Facebook or something? Though I seem to recall you were opposed to that.
Posted by: M | February 03, 2009 at 06:49 PM
Remember when you used to post often? I miss that.
Posted by: Joe Kennedy | February 14, 2009 at 12:30 AM
Joe -- ah, the good ole days. :)
As cliche as it sounds, it truly is good to know that I am missed. Thank you! And, yes, I am working on that....
Marti, Not at all opposed to Facebook... except that the evil vortex within it keeps sucking me in and trapping me there for hours at a time. :) I'll meet you there! :)
Posted by: Lu | February 24, 2009 at 01:01 AM