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January 24, 2006


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Joe Kennedy

I'm terrified that God will let me die before I finish whatever He put me here to do.

Or that I'll die a meaningless death, having never finished what I started or reaching the potential He gave me.

That scares the crap out of me.


I'm terrified I will live my entire life (one I always fear will go on far too long, like a horrible American Idol audtion that never ends) and never make an impact, never do anything of consequence. I fear I will grow old, grow weak and senile and just take up space on this earth, a body without a mind.

The narrator of Desperate Housewives, who said the line I quoted, went on to say, "I wish I could share this with those I left behind. But would it make a difference? I don't think so. I understand now that there will always be those who face their fears. And there will always be those who run away."

I hope I always fall in the former group.

Thank you for your transparency.

Joe Kennedy

I had chest pains yesterday. Most likely due to the stress I've had on me lately. Today my arm hurt all day and I was short of breath. My family knows, and I got a lot of talks. I'm not out to scare people. But it shook me up tonight while I was sitting here in this big empty house. I really, honestly, don't want to die yet.


Lu, the last thing in the universe you need to worry about is dying without having helped others. Your point of view may show you a world unaffected by your presence, but you need to learn to step outside of your eyes. We're taught to believe that only the big event is worth celebrating, the big effect, the world-shattering wedge driven into society. Not many can do that. Just as important, I think, are the quiet daily examples. To paraphrase my friend Roman: "A little bit of light is still light." Go on living your life, being Lu, celebrating God and letting him celebrate you. Listen to the Holy Spirit.

If everyone else in the world, all 7 billion of them, rise up against you and say "She never did a damned thing in her entire life," all you have to do is point to me. I'll come up on the stage, hold your hand, and tell them to be quiet. "Hey, folks, listen up. Her presence in my life made a very difficult time better. Her spirit, her enthusiasm. Besides that, no one's opinion matters. Only God matters... and God loves Lu to little bitty pieces. Clear out, you lot, she has life to live. Instead of cutting her down, go build your own."

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