Those who follow me on Facebook know that I was laid off December 2nd. For those smart enough to stay far away from the Facebook vortex -- first let me say, good for you!!You rock!!, and, how do you do that??? -- and second, let me catch you up just a little: I'm unemployed.
Yeah, that's about it....
For 83 days now I have looked for a new job in an economy that absolutely sucks and just keeps surprising me with how much worse it can get as each day passes. I've had a couple of interviews but so far I'm still unemployed.
I finally broke down today and filed for unemployment. Yeah, I know --- many would say I should have done that day one, but can I tell you how utterly depressing it is to file that stuff? Online or in person, it doesn't matter: it just sucks. And since I'm often all about avoiding that which sucks whenever possible, well, I just kept putting it off. But now the deed is finally done. Good thing, too. The severance runs out this week. Now we start digging into school loans and savings.
There are days when life is good and I feel safe, secure, loved, and sheltered by God despite my current circumstances. Those days are like a little taste of heaven on earth. I'm filled with happiness, contentment, and peace about the future -- whatever it holds. Sometimes I can even see a glimpse of God's wisdom and goodness in giving me this "extended vacation."
But then there are days like today, where I struggle to keep breathing deeply and remembering Whose child I am, so as to stave off the panic attacks that are looming over me, ready to devour me whole. These days are difficult, discouraging, frustrating, anxiety-ridden, and very long. The worst of it seems to come after sunset. For some reason darkness outside my windows fuels my fears and depression. I'm not so much afraid of the dark as I am afraid in the dark.
There isn't much I can do to lift my own spirits on days like these. The only thing I know to do, really, is to cry out to Papa, 'please help me! I'm really scared and I feel all alone and lost. Please help me.'
Worshiping helps too, as odd as that sounds.
....Well, that, and dancing around my house like a maniac to my rockin' iTunes "Celebrate The 80s" mix.... but we won't go there right now....
When I listen to songs like Chris Tomlin's "Exalted (Yahweh)," or Tenth Avenue North's "Hallelujah" I am carried to a different place; a place near the throne and majesty and warm holiness of God, my Papa. I turn up the volume and just let the music remind me of His constant presence, and His unfathomable holiness and greatness.
I recently heard someone pray that God would raise us up above the current storms of life so that we could be at peace. As I listened I honestly found myself wholeheartedly disagreeing with this prayer. I don't want to be lifted up above my current storms. I want to find peace in the midst of the storms. I want to be able to rest in the care of God no matter what circumstances befall me. I don't want my trust and peace in Him to be situation-dependent.
These are days to be endured, I think, rather than soared above, if that makes sense. These hard days teach me to trust and rest in peace even when economic hurricanes and emotional tornadoes wreak havoc with the terrain of my life. They teach me to remember that my strength and hope come from God, not from my own perspective of my situation.... does that make sense?
So, this is me, today, enduring a hard day, worshiping Papa and Jesus, grateful for their love and lavish attention.... and hoping tomorrow brings a new job with it. But trusting that Papa has got me covered no matter what.
Whatever you may think about the candidates in this year's election; whatever you may think of the politics of the parties involved, you cannot deny this is an historic night!
The country once divided over slavery of another race has now elected as president a man from that same once-enslaved race. A country who lost a great president because of his determination to not only end slavery but keep the United States united has now elected as president a man for whom that great president so long ago died fighting to restore freedom and liberty.
Lincoln would be proud of that.
I have so often been troubled by the divisiveness that can arise between people simply because of one's skin color. I spent most of my early childhood completely colorblind. I had no idea that my best friend in kindergarten was "black" and I was not. I just knew I loved hanging out with her. Nor did I realize that one of my closest friends in jr high was Latina and I was not.... No idea. Yeah, I can be a little...blind at times. :) Until my sister received a big beat down by some girls from who school who did not like the color of our skin; who felt we owed them.... something... because we are white -- did it ever dawn on me that color matters to some people.
I hate that. I hate that there are those in this world who look down on others with a different color of skin, different ethnicity, different... whatever. I hate it.
I always thought that the goal of uniting in diversity was to not notice another's skin color; to be colorblind. But this last year I've come to realize that it's not about not noticing our skin color/ethnicity, it's about celebrating the differences that strengthen us as a whole.
Nicole C. Mullins said at the Women of Faith conference in September, "it's okay to notice someone's color. Just don't stop there." It was good to hear that from a woman "of color." Sometimes we need those who are different from us to acknowledge those differences and give us permission to do the same before we can relax and see beyond them.
I disagree with our new President-elect on nearly every issue and ideal he articulated during this past election season. I'm a die-hard libertarian/Austrian School of economics gal, so a Progressive agenda just doesn't sit right with me. Individual liberty trumps collectivism almost every time in my book.
So in that respect I struggled tonight; I struggled to be happy or excited for our country. Rather, I worry for her.
Yet, at the same time, I am deeply proud of my country. Deeply proud. What happened today is historic, and that deserves to be celebrated.
We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.-- The Declaration of Independence
No king succeeds with a big army alone, no warrior wins by brute strength. Horsepower is not the answer; no one gets by on muscle alone.
Watch this: God's eye is on those who respect him, the ones who are looking for his love. He's ready to come to their rescue in bad times; in lean times he keeps body and soul together.
I'm depending on God; he's everything I need. What's more, my heart brims with joy (!!) since I've taken for my own his holy name. Love us, God, with all you've got— that's what we're depending on.-- Psalm 33:16-22 (The Message)
I've been trying to wrap my brain around how to express in words the deep emotions and thoughts I have regarding recent events. I've come to the conclusion that there is no concise way. There are times when words are insufficient; when they almost trivialize rather than explain.
I've been down this road before, emotionally speaking. I've dealt with unexpected tragedy, calamity, depression, disappointment. However, I've not dealt with it on such a large scale.
Where I am now is surrender; acceptance; and maybe a little serenity.
Look, I could go on and on at my anger and frustration over all that has happened to cause this current mess, and on and on about my fears for the future. But none of that will change reality.
We are in deep shit (pardon my french). We are in a recession and rapidly sliding headlong into a depression. And it's not nearly over yet; buckle up, guys. It's going to be a bumpy ride. And when it is finally over, life in the US will not be the same again; at least not in our lifetimes. The US itself may even cease to exist. We are ripe for attack from without and for tyranny from within.* Whether we implode or explode is ultimately irrelevant; what is relevant at this moment is that we have some decisions to make. And they may not be the ones you think.
A week and a half ago I posted a video in the (ungodly) early dawn hours. It was of Luci Swindoll talking about life, God's grace, and choices. I titled the post "This is the day the Lord has made... let us rejoice and be glad in it!" And I have to say, as the day progressed I thought that was an incredibly ironic title, and even more ironic post content, for such a day as that: an historic stock market drop of 777** points. I think God was really trying to get His point across to me. ;)
Here's the point: In that video Luci points out that God is always working, always moving, in everything that happens. He is always working things out for good for those who will just trust and rest in His grace, His love.
My grace is enough; it's all you need. My strength comes into its own in your weakness. -- 2 Cor 12:9 The Message
I love one line Luci says; she says, "...the trouble with life is it's so daily; it just shows up and there it is, another day and we have to deal with it."
Ain't that the truth.
It can be incredibly taxing on those of us struggling with depression, addiction, the effects of trauma and abuse, mounting financial pressures.... the list is endless these days. I know people who have lost half of their retirement already; others who are about to lose their home; others who have already lost their job; and others who are fighting for their lives right now. I know the feeling of laying my head on the pillow at night, grateful I've made it through another day, and yet begging God as I drift off to sleep to take me Home during the night because I don't want to live anymore; I just want to go Home to eternal rest. I just want to be in His arms and not have to deal with this crap anymore. I know that feeling because I still struggle with it from time to time. And I know others who do too.
Luci, on the video, goes on to say that we can either be positive about another day showing up, or negative about it. We have a choice. She said she chooses to be happy, "because God in His goodness has given us His grace" to get through it.
Here's what I'm learning: When you choose to trust God, to rest in His grace and love even when He takes you into poverty, pain, illness, tragedy, trauma, catastrophe,... He shows up. And He infuses His strength and a sweet serenity into your soul. You're not going to run a marathon or jump and shout "praise Jesus!" You just find that you have enough; you have what you need to get through. It's not the way you wanted things to go; it's not how you planned it out, but you are okay, and you realize you are going to be okay even if you lose everything.
I find myself clinging to a lot of phrases I once found trite, shallow. One of the ones at the top of that list was that verse I quoted on September 29th, "This is the day the Lord has made..." blah blah blah. I always heard it from peppy, perpetually happy church-pod people. You know the type; those Christians who don't ever seem to get upset, or sad, or have a bad day; that no matter what happens they cheerily say, "Praise the Lord!"
Gag me.
But on September 29th I kept remembering not only the video I'd posted, but things I'd heard at the Women of Faith conference the weekend before.
Job is quoted as saying, in essence, "the Lord gives and the Lord takes away, blessed be the name of the Lord," upon learning he had just lost everything he valued -- not just his wealth and possessions, but his children. ALL of them. I always had this feeling that Job was one of those church-pod people, at least at the beginning of the story, because it doesn't seem he was even sad. What is usually left out of the telling is that just before his infamous line, "Job stood up and tore his robe in grief. Then he shaved his head and fell to the ground to worship." (Job 1:20)
He did the things one does when they are grieving deeply. He did not hold back his emotions, or put on a happy face. He did not pretend that all was peachy. I am convinced that he was sobbing, that falling to the ground wasn't so much in honor of God as it was out of utter agony of his darkest night of the soul. And he just figured, while I'm down here I might as well give God the praise He deserves. 'Cause He's still God and is therefore still worthy of praise no matter what happens to me.
I'm convinced it probably took him a hour or more to speak his famous words, and I'm convinced they were said through sobs of a grieving, anguished father:
“I came naked from my mother’s womb, and I will be naked when I leave. The Lord gave me what I had, and the Lord has taken it away. Praise the name of the Lord!” (vs 21)
I'm convinced that that last line was not spoken like a pod-person, all cheery and happy, but rather was spoken in raspy sobbing gasps; not because life is all sunshine and rainbows, but because God is still God and Job still trusted His grace and His love.
I no longer think of "this is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it!" (Psalm 118:24) as a trite, annoying phrase that must be spoken with church-pod people syrupy-ness. It is now the cry of my soul every morning; through tears, through fear, through crankiness, through frustration, through anger, through whatever emotion I experience, my soul now cries, "Papa! You made this day, I will rejoice in YOU; that You are still God, and that You are still able and willing to restore me to sanity this day, regardless of what happens around me or to me. I will still praise You." Sometimes I sound like Whoopi Goldberg in "Ghost," when she's having a hard time letting go of the $4 million check: "I will!!" :) But I've discovered that even when I struggle to give it up for God, He honors it by showing up and bringing His strength and serenity with Him. And He even tells me He thinks I'm wonderful. :)
So here's the bottom line, as I see it:
We have a choice about how we face this unprecedented time in our history. We can get angry and depressed, rail against those we think are responsible and scream at God for the injustices He's allowing to happen to us. We can bury our heads in the sand and deny that anything is wrong or broken in our country. Or we can embrace life and make the most of every moment. It used to be said, "eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we die." But I say enjoy every moment as if it is the best, most precious time you'll ever have; the last time you'll be able to what you are doing at that moment. Because it just may be.
Live in the moment, guys. Live day at a time, enjoying one moment at a time and suck the marrow out of every second of life. Tomorrow will probably be worse than today, so enjoy today to the fullest! (how's that for positive thinking! ;)) But seriously... Live! Find the joy in the simple, ordinary things. And when you find yourself struggling with fear or anger, or denial or apathy, cry out to God to give you the serenity to accept the things you cannot change. Because He will show up.
I couldn't end without including the scene in "Ghost" to which I refer. It's at the end of this clip -- but the whole thing is worth watching. I love Whoopi! (and this is soooo me in this scene!)
*The conclusions I have come to are based on solid, hard-core research. You may vehemently disagree with me, but that will not change my opinion of what is happening, why, and where we are headed. I have been doing a lot of research, a lot of study, a lot of digging and searching -- which I could not even summarize here without writing a twenty-five page thesis paper, complete with another five pages of bibliography and citations, which would most assuredly bore all of you to tears. :) Not to mention frustrate me to have to post all those links and sources....
** It hit me with incredible humor tonight as I wrote this.... 777 is allegedly "God's number." Seven tends to represent completeness in Scripture, so it is sometimes touted by religious folks that God's number is 7; and three sevens in a row is a trinity, don'cha know. :) Yes, that's right folks, it is MY fault the market crashed on Sep 29th.God was working overtime to teach me an object lesson -- that He is truly able and willing to take care of me no matter what happens, if I will just trust and rest in Him. Sorry ya'll had to get caught in my lesson!
Sometimes you just need a day off. Today I got one; my own little personal mental/spiritual health day. I'd been feeling like I wanted to take one a some point over the summer, but most of my PTO days are already accounted for in planned trips/holidays. But God, in His amazing goodness, provided -- via my bosses who gave our little team a paid holiday. What a blessing!
I woke up several times during the night/morning to the beautiful sound of rain. It was the first night all month that was cool enough to have the windows open, so the sound was even more beautiful to hear than just the tapping on the roof. I could hear it dancing on the grass, the trees, and the wooden deck.
I slept till I wasn't really sleepy then spent the rest of the morning sitting by my corner windows, in my dad's chair, reading and listening to a thunderstorm roll through. It was the most amazing, wonderful morning I've had in ages; the perfect weather, and the perfect morning. I didn't budge from my perch by the windows till after noon, when hunger finally drove me to the kitchen in search of sustenance.
I've spent most of the rest of my day reading, and swinging on my porch swing and just watching the world go by.
It's days like today that I wish time would just stop and let me soak it all in; the beauty all around me, the comfort within my home, the peace and serenity of solitude.... Alone with God and not afraid. Alone with God and not confused. Just alone with God and soaking it in.
I needed today. More than anyone (but God) could have known. Certainly I didn't know how much I needed to just be silent, and to silence the noise in my soul. No homework, no recovery work, no work-work, no doings, no performance, no busy-ness, no agenda to accomplish, no to-do lists to get through... just rest, silence and restoration.
There really is a God who can, and will, restore me to sanity if I will but let Him. Today I think He did.
My tax return came and I decided it was time to upgrade from my 4 year-old G4 PowerBook (still with its original Panther OS!). So here's my new way to do homework (and blog, and listen to music, and watch videos, and.... goodness this thing does everything but cook!). I'm lovin' it. It is soooo fast and has so many new features and things to play with and while away hour after hour.... Please note the absence of school books. They are actually still sitting in my backpack. I haven't removed them from there since I got this bundle of joy Tuesday night. Nor have I managed to get to bed before 1am. Perhaps tonight.... naaawww!
I've been busy with school, work, life, healing, and other amazing God-gifts of Life. I'm forever amazed at how He embraces me and just loves on me even when I'm freaking out, or messing up big time, or think I'm messing up big time...
I've been in the process of deconstructing my beliefs and convictions about God so I have room in my heart for the real God, not the one I seem to think He is. Long story. Long post, actually. Perhaps soon I'll have something less than 6,000 words to share with you on this crazy new journey I'm on.
But for now I really do need to get to bed. So I'll leave you with a couple of pics I had fun taking with my new built-in iSight camera. :)
I've heard about meeting yourself going and coming but this is ridiculous!
Sorry for the silence here. Life has taken precedence over blogging of late. I have much to write about, but just not a lot of time to do it. Consequently I have several posts in various draft stages but nothing that's ready for primetime. Soon, I hope. Very soon. Life is good right now; hard but good. I'm learning a lot, growing a lot, being challenged like crazy, and having some success in areas that have up till now seen only defeat. Lessons are still being learned the hard way at times, but less than before. I'm now seeing that hole I always fall into before I step in it -- and sometimes even remembering to walk around it, instead of into it. Soon, I think, I might even be ready to take a different street... One step at a time. Since I can't seem to finish a substantial post, I'll share some bullets of my life at the moment.
Current verses on my mind:
God didn't go to all the
trouble of sending his Son merely to point an accusing finger, telling
the world how bad it was. He came to help, to put the world right
again. Anyone who trusts in him is acquitted... -- John 3:17-18 in The Message
Curent movie I L-O-V-E lovedand must see again: The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian My sister said recently that when she was first reading the Narnia books, she saw me as Lucy -- or Lucy as me... Either way you put it, it was a HUGE compliment to me. I would love to be Lucy; to emulate her unwavering faith and trust in Aslan.
Current song stuck in my head: "You're Gonna Miss This" - Trace Atkins
Current podcast I'm replaying over and over: Andy Stanley's "Faith, Hope, and Luck Holy crap, this series is kicking my butt, and reshaping my paradigm of faith and hope
Current book reshaping my paradigm: The Shack by William P. Young Ditto the above -- but this one is reshaping my view of God; more on this soon
May the Lord bless you and protect you. May the Lord smile on you and be gracious to you. May the Lord show you his favor and give you his peace. -- Numbers 6:24-26
My friend Marti left a very thought-provoking comment on my previous post about Creative Chaos or Quiet Reverence that really sparked some memories. I started to share these with her in the comment section, but decided they deserve a post of their own.
First, let me share with you what Marti wrote:
My church meets in an old warehouse, or anyway, the anchor to a defunct
shopping center. It was ugly. The old-timers kind of liked that, as it
harkened back to the day when they moved from one school to another...
they didn't want things too nice. Nobody EVER got married there. After
we paid off the mortgage, fixed the leakin' roof, etc, God provided a
major donor who gave a $1 million anonymous gift with no strings
attached. The mission committee got a tithe of it, which was cool, and
a lot of other good stuff happened too. Sadly, giving dropped; this was
about five years ago and we've yet to recover. However, somewhere in
there the elders decided to use part of 'the big taco' (as the $1
million was affectionately called) to build a new sanctuary inside out
building. It feels like a living room. It has niches for prayer. It has
pretty, ivory-colored walls. I was glad we didn't spend all our money
on this, but it helps to have a comfortable, attractive environment. It
makes a difference. So does our new worship leader, and particularly,
his adorable wife with the great voice who leads our singing most
Sunday mornings. We sound great with her leading us. And she can do new
stuff, old stuff, in-between stuff just as well. I'm glad God gives us
so many ways to worship.
As I read her comment, especially when she began describing her church's current set up, I was reminded of the last six or so months of our old church plant here in Nashville (before it was decided the plant would merge with an already established Mosaic in town). We
revamped it after a jolting shift in our leadership, and part of the revamp was to completely change our approach to our "service" time. Instead of coming at it from a typical worship service mind-set, formatting it with music and then teaching, we instead approached it as if it were a giant Life Group (small group, or cell group; some now call them Community Groups). This one change in focus changed the whole dynamic and
feel of our times together, and opened the door for God to dwell among and within us at an ever deepening level. (please note this post continues after the jump -- see below)
Los has this series he does on Thursdays called Creative Chaos, where he talks a little about
what his church (Buckhead, in the ATL; photo copyright Buckhead Church) does in their worship times, or planning times, etc. Then he invites others to post about what creative chaos is happening in their worlds and also provides a way they can link their posts to his on his blog. It's really cool to read because you get a feel for all the creative madness going on out there in Worship Leader Land. I highly recommend it, even if you're not a leader.
Today he posted a kickin' video that you just gotta watch. But do yourself a favor, put your headphones on and crank the sound. It. Is. Awesome!!
Aside from the sound, the visual overload of the video, both from the screens and the constantly shifting camera angles, took me on a little ride. It was good, but I realized something the first time I watched. While I'd love to participate in something like that for a worship concert -- where it's just singing and music and some prayer (accompanied by music); just worship -- I'm not sure I'd want to "do church" like that every week.
I'm realizing more and more that I long for some of the old -- dare I say it? -- traditions; the quiet reverence, the sacraments, the sort-of high church feel. I'd probably tire of it after a bit; I don't think I'm by nature a quiet, calm, traditional worshiper. But for some reason, right now my soul craves that. I crave a chance to sit silently in a sanctuary, get on my knees with others, and take communion in community in the midst of such a holy-feeling place. I will probably shock some with this statement, but sometimes meeting in a movie theatre does, for me, take some of the awe and reverence from the worship experience. If I weren't such an aesthetic person perhaps that wouldn't be so, but I am. So I struggle with the environments I find myself in during worship services, and sometimes they just don't fit with what my spirit is craving.
What about you? What kind of worship services do you like? Is aesthetics, your surroundings, important to you, or doe it not effect you?
A few days ago someone connected to my blog through the "Religion" category; one that I seldom use because so few things in my life seems to fall under the idea of straight religion. Rather things fall, in my mind at least, more under issues of faith, or Faith.
I often am curious what impressions first-time visitors to my site have, so sometimes I follow the link they did to my site just to see what they saw. The last post I put under that category was from January 2006, about a little quiz on theological worldviews. At that time I scored 82% as an Emergent/Post Modern. But Evangelical Holiness/Wesleyan, was a very close second. So I decided to retake the quiz and see if much had changed. It has, and you can see the results below.
There is still much in the first quiz results with which I agree. I still believe that the Gospel is spread "virally" through relationship more than through "evangelization" and revivals. And I still feel alienated from some older forms of church; chiefly the forms that conjure images of the 40s and 50s, where women have a limited role, men dominate, doctrine and tradition prevail over spirituality and Truth, and where the preaching is either overly dramatic (hellfire/damnation stuff) or overly monotone (and usually focused on exegesis alone) and always in that preacher cadence (you know the one I mean; I swear, they must have a class in seminary just for developing that). I have an allergy to such churches even today.
However, I now find myself with some different priorities. I still am convinced that we followers of Christ have the secret to Abundant Life, and that it is imperative that we share it with everyone who will listen to us. But I find that the essence of what I am compelled to share, and the thing that compels me, is the unbelievable, unfailing love and grace of God. That grace is, to me, preeminent in this thing called Life. It covers us long before we even recognize God's whispers of love or His constant activity in and around us. It is what covers our sin, drives us to our knees in sorrow and repentance, and breathes fresh Life in us to try again. God's Grace is what fuels and drives our personal holiness; without it I am convinced we could not be holy; without it we cannot give grace to others when they fail or hurt us.
I'm not theologically or doctrinally trained so I cannot speak much to those issues -- the extent of my knowledge comes a little from my dad's old Barclay commentaries and my own Matthew Henry commentaries, and a lot from the various teachings of several pastors and teachers (such as Beth Moore, Erwin, Matt Chandler, and Rob Bell) who resonate with my spirit and my own and others' experiences with God Himself. But what little I have read on John Wesley's teachings and focus resonate within my spirit. It is much of what I have come to believe myself. "Methodism" (ie the Methodist church) of today not so much (at least what I know of it), but what I've seen of what Wesley said back then I like.
I'm interested in reading more on Wesley's teachings but I don't know where to look. So if any of you seminary trained (or just knowledgeable) people out there can recommend books I could read on Wesley's teachings and writings, please let me know.
You are an evangelical in the Wesleyan tradition. You believe that God's grace enables you to choose to believe in him, even though you yourself are totally depraved. The gift of the Holy Spirit gives you assurance of your salvation, and he also enables you to live the life of obedience to which God has called us. You are influenced heavily by John Wesley and the Methodists.
I found this several months ago on someone else's blog (don't remember who's now) and stole it because I liked it so much. Then I got busy with that crazy math class stuff and forgot about it. Till tonight. When I decided to clean out my blog's draft posts and rediscovered it. So I present to you now, My Still List. Feel free to steal it for your own blog, or leave your list in the comments.
Still Loving: Jesus, living in Nashville, and my car (all of them are more amazing and awesome than HDTV!!)
Still Enjoying: my couch (yes, I'm a not-so-closet couch potato; I love my couch!)
Still Doing: the next right thing, and the next right thing... one step at a time, one day at a time, as God gives me insight.
Still Proud: to be my parent's daughter; and of my friends, and who they are becoming
Still Amazed: that Life could be this incredibly good.
Still Hoping: that my future will be better than my past
Still Grateful: for everything God has given me -- it's massive!
Still Wanting: to lose the weight I gained the two years I was on anti-depressants
Still Trying: to be polite and kind to the obnoxious people in my life
Still Failing: to not run away and isolate sometimes, when things get hard and the feelings become overwhelming
Still Passionate About: international travel and learning about new cultures; I really, really, really miss traveling overseas!
Still Taking up new things: to worry about. I learned to worry from my mom and haven't been able to break the habit yet. But I'm hopeful.
Still Dating: myself... every stinkin' time I open my mouth.
Still Have Not: learned to rock-climb, which I've been wanting to do since I moved to Nashville, lo these three years ago.
Still Working: yep. That's about it. Haven't become independently wealthy yet. When I do you'll be the.. well, third or fourth to know.
Still Reading: The Harry Potter series, and about four other books I can't seem to find the time to finish.
Still Thinking: Our country is in deep doo-doo, but, still, we will survive. It won't be pretty or pleasant, but we'll make it through.
Still Wondering: why God created cockroaches. I mean, really, what purpose do they serve, other than grossing me out? --- Or are they a product of The Fall? Along with sin we got cockroaches... lovely.
Still Dressing: myself. That's a good thing... right?
Still To Do: homework-homework-homework
Still Cherishing: my amazing sister, my wonderful friends, and my Beloved Jesus
Still Trying to Never: give up, or give in to fear.
Still Will Aways: Be utterly amazed at God's unfailing love, unending grace, and unbelievable power --- all given to me of all people (!!) as free love-gifts. Talk about the ultimate Valentine's present!
Still, Still: I need to just be still before God and listen. I don't spend near enough time just being quiet and still before Him. But those times when I do I realize I need to do that more. I feel more refreshed and ready to take on the (rest of the) day. Yet I still too often forgo that time in favor of sleeping a little later, reading a book, watching television or doing homework.
"Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." Psalm 46:10
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