I haven't been very good at posting lately, have I?
I'm struggling with all the things blowing around in my mind, heart, soul. It's difficult enough to wrap my mind around them all, but to try to put them into words; well, that's nearly impossible.
I feel stalled at the moment. Stalled in my schoolwork, stalled in my inner life, and stalled here on the blog. An incredible tiredness has overtaken me and I find myself napping a lot.
I've been doing this intense work for a long time on my soul, my spirit, my heart.... whatever you may want to call that inner thing that determines our character, our point of view, our convictions, makes up who we are -- but that work got even more intense and laser focused about a year ago. I guess you can tell that a few months ago it really got difficult. So my life right now feels quite unsettled, confusing. I have a lot more questions than answers.
Yet I don't feel like I'm going in circles. At least not yet. I keep having dreams of driving up a steep hill fearful I'm not going to make it to the top ---- and while I know sometimes dreams don't mean anything, this is a definite metaphor for how I'm feeling in my waking life. I am going up a steep hill emotionally, mentally, and spiritually, and I'm afraid I won't make it to the top. But in the dream I always do, somehow, and that brings me hope for my waking soul. Some day I will make it; it's just a long, hard climb right now.
Part of why I've been silent here is because of all the questions and noise in my soul. I haven't been able to sort through my thoughts enough to put together a coherent post. But perhaps I'll try just posting the chaos and questions; perhaps that will help me sort through it all and find my way to the top of the hill.
So here's the first question: what do you do, how do you cope, when you seem to be perpetually exhausted no matter how much rest or sleep you get?